This project has been rattling inside my head for a while. A nagging, haunting idea that didn’t want me to forget that it was worthwhile. There’s been countless nuggets of half-formed thoughts that I jotted down, trying to find a thread of insight. The first drafts of this were rambling sentences that didn’t make any sense. It wasn’t until actually doing the interviews and photoshoots that it started to come together.
This is my latest draft and pitch of a project that I hope to work on for a long time. I gave this project its own section so that I can document and share how the project is going.
Growing up in an Asian home, I lived with a deep, constant tension that pulled me in multiple directions.
One side pulled me to conform, to be in harmony with the traditions and standards that my people have upheld through war and sacrifice. But as an American, there’s a pull to be seen, heard, and accepted for who I am. I am a special person, and I don’t want to be categorized or limited in who I can be.
I remember long and intense conversations with my parents about why I didn’t fit into their safe molds. I didn’t want art to just be a hobby. I wanted to be free to be. But I also remember feeling different, left out, singled out. Even as the model minority, I thought I could never measure up to the majority.
I felt deep gratitude for how much my parents sacrificed for my brother and I. My dad has worked 70 hour weeks for most of my life. But also wanted to take full advantage of the opportunities I was given without their input and nagging. Because what do they know? They weren’t born here.
It’s only in hindsight I can see that this experience has made me a deeper person. As I continue to pull from all sides, I am the better for it.
Every Asian American has their own version of this story. The contours of how all this plays out is universal. Whether you’re an artist, doctor, lawyer, chef, banker, athlete, influencer, the lives we lead strive to be all American. But the way we got here, the way we have managed and reconciled the expectations of being Asian is a unique story. One that is still being discovered.
This project is to aid in that discovery. To find those opportunities where we can learn and empathize with one another. We are taught early on to “save face,” not do anything to stand out. But if we can be vulnerable and true with one another, it’s the way for us to be accepted.